WTF, D&D: Ravenloft Part Two

Zack: As you ascend to the second floor, the torches are extinguished and an eerie mist fills the hallway. Multiple pairs of eyes glow within the mist.

Steve: What, like ghouls or something?

Zack: Warg wolves. It appears to be five of them.

Steve: “Greeting, mighty wolves,” I say using my animal communication. “I come in peace.”

Zack: A huge, black wolf steps out of the mist and licks its chops. “We have to eat you, bro. It’s what we do. We eat dudes who try to sneak into the castle.”

Steve: “What is guy but wind and what is castle but stone. One should pass over the other.”

Zack: “That sounds gay, bro. Are you gay?”

Steve: “It all way you look at it.”

Zack: “This guy’s gay! Let’s get him!”

Steve: I am totally going first, you know that, right?

Zack: Go.

Steve: Since these things are like a pack, Bane is going to do a double karate kick on the wolf that was talking and then declare himself the alpha.

Zack: Okay. Well, you succeed at kicking him, twice, and you manage to brutally kill the wolf leader. There are four more wolves circling around you know. You have one chance to say something before they attack.

Steve: Going to rip the head off the wolf and hold it up. “Bow to Hruggek, the lawful and just! Supreme bugbear! Or I tear off all heads!”

Zack: What is your charisma?

Steve: 16.

Zack: Of course. Of course it is. Bane convinces the wolves that he is the alpha and that they are now worshipers of
Hruggek, the bugbear god.

Steve: Let the head ripping continue! “Faithful law dogs, take me to cape man!”

Zack: The wolves snarl and run as a pack up to the tower to the third floor of the castle. You are greeted in the hallway outside Strahd’s bedchamber by Olga. “You will not disturb them!”

Steve: “Like better when necktie hang on door. I put your neck in tie and take neck off.”

Zack: You have initiative, but don’t expect her to go down with a couple karate kicks like that wolf.

Steve: What about all my wolf buddies?

Zack: They’re still on the bubble about whether or not you are really the alpha. If it looks like you can beat up this
vampire, they might back you up.

Steve: “Every monk dies alone.”

Steve: I will strike twice. Karate chops to her head in an effort to remove her head.

Zack: Olga is not going to stand around and take it like a wolf. She manages to evade your first attack, but your second chops her in the neck. You hear a crack of breaking bones. It’s not enough to immobilize her.

Steve: “I’ll send you to Pandemonium, she-witch!”

Zack: She bites you, inflicting 8 damage and proceeds to drain you of two levels.

Steve: Ouch. I am going to throw her into the air and double kick her through the door.

Zack: Your kicks batter her through the door. She is nearly dead as she lands on the floor inside Strahd’s bedchamber. The wolves snarl and run into the room and begin tearing at her flesh. She screams as they rip her limbs.

Steve: “Be sure to remove head!” Bane turns his attention to Strahd and Ireena. “Give me back my babe!”