WTF, D&D: Ravenloft


Steve: Bane will trudge down this road into the woods and repeat his mantra over and over. “Bugbear bares bugs, unbearably bugs bears.”

Zack: More of a tongue twister than a mantra.

Steve: It clarifies his mind and allows him to focus on the head ripping wisdom of Hruggek.

Zack: You journey down the foggy Svalich road and through the ominous woods. Imagine a Halloween sound effects record playing.

Steve: Lots of cackling witches and rattling chains?

Zack: The nature version of that. You sense evil all around you and occasionally see evil wild animals like possums and bats.

Steve: Bane befriends a bat. He can talk to animals like the druid power.

Zack: Bats are naturally very suspicious.

Steve: Bane is very charming. He has a 16 charisma.

Zack: Of course he does. Alright, one of the bats stops swarming out of a fractured crypt long enough for you to have a conversation.

Steve: “Hail bat friend. Want go adventure?”

Zack: “I’m an evil bat, why would I ever help you?”

Steve: “Evil of one man is good of another man. So also for bat. I have many upside down perches for bat. What name, friend?”

Zack: “Wendy. I’ll come with you, but remember: I’m evil. So I’m going to betray you at the worst possible moment.”

Steve: “Worst possible moment also best possible moment.”

Zack: I’m starting to think Nic Pizzolatto is writing your character. And I’m afraid that his characters sounding like a monk with an intelligence of 5 says more about him than about you.

Steve: I don’t know who that is but I would totally enter a pizza lottery. That would be a great way to raise money for charity.

Zack: Alright, you’ve convinced the bat to accompany you. Wendy perches on the underside of your bicep, which forces you to hold one of your arms out all the time like a scarecrow.

Steve: Be the change you want to see in the world. I will continue to this meeting location with the burgermaster.

Steve: Dang, this was a bad adventure to play on an empty stomach.