WTF, D&D: Ravenloft


Zack: Some filthy gypsies hang around the door, looking suspicious. A mysterious traveler sits alone. The rest of the patrons are downtrodden villagers, silently sipping their watery ale at the shabby tables. This place is a real dump. The bartender eyes you suspiciously.

Steve: I’ll get a drink and then go over and sit with the mysterious guy who definitely knows something. “Hello what is good to do in town? Anything fun? Any sights?”

Zack: “Good?” The man gives you an intense, one-eyed stare. “Nothing good in this place. I’m glad to see an outsider. I am Ismark. I need your help. I’ll take you to the Burgomaster’s house. He was my father.”

Steve: “I finish drink first.”

Zack: He stares at you with his one eye unblinking as you finish your drink.

Steve: “Very uncomfortable. When you stare like this.”

Zack: “There is a great evil in the land.”

Steve: “Great impoliteness in land. Now not even want drink.” Bane pushes it away. “You win. We go to house of master of burgers.”

Zack: You follow Ismark out into the chilly streets and he leads you down the cobbled road to a decrepit and very creepy mansion. The overgrown weeds have been trampled by beasts that have made paths circling the mansion. You can imagine wolves stalking outside the house, though you see no sign of them now. Though lights burn behind windows barred with planks, the door is not immediately answered. A woman’s voice demands to know who is on the other side. Once Ismark has convinced her of his identity, the door slowly opens to reveal a sickly, distraught and extremely beautiful woman.


Steve: Like a Helena Bonham Carter at peak hotness? When I think sickly and hot she comes to mind.

Zack: Sure, whatever works for you, Steve.

Steve: I mean, not like Planet of the Apes where she was a chimp babe and still sort of weirdly hot, but not sickly at all. I’m talking like Fight Club or something where she looks like she might be about to die but also is totally hot.

Zack: Yeah, okay! Stop talking about this. You’ve clearly thought about it too much and it’s creeping me out.

Steve: Well, we evolved to think like that.

Zack: Oh, no, Steve. No. Don’t start talking about biotruths or it will never stop. Just put everything you are thinking about and all your evolution theories in a bag, tie some rocks to it, and drop it in a river. We are not having this conversation in the middle of Ravenloft.

Steve: Okay, I’m just saying that it’s about ethics in role playing games.