WTF, D&D: Ravenloft Part Two


Zack: Strahd finishes playing with a flourish and hops down from the organ’s bench. He strides into the dining hall. Olga visibly reacts, barely holding her adulation in check.

Zack: Ireena trembles as Strahd approaches. “My dear,” he says. “This is ridiculous. You are on this man’s shoulders. You cannot enjoy dinner in this way. Please, come down from there.”

Steve: “She just fine where she is. We have dinner this way.”

Zack: Strahd looks at you and his eyes flash with magical power.

Steve: Keep in mind a 10th level monk has a 55% resistance to charm spells on top of normal saving throw.

Zack: Yeah you better hope this doesn’t work because the way charm person works in original AD&D is that the length of time you are charmed is related to your intelligence score. Which is 5. If you fail your save you remain charmed without another saving throw for two months.

Steve: Well? Did it work?

Zack: Strahd frowns as he stares into the empty portals of your unflinching eyes. He shakes his head and the light
disappears from his eyes.

Steve: Sorry but there’s no “charm entire universe and the void” spell

Zack: “Very well,” says Strahd. “You sit however you would like. Please, enjoy this meal.”

Zack: The footman that greeted you at the door pulls out a chair for you. Strahd sits at one end of the table and Olga sits by his side. The table is dusty and some of the goblets and plates have cobwebs, yet there is also a great feast on the table. Lots of gelatin and bloody meat. A steaming pot of noodles and weird, grim vegetables like, I don’t know, mandrake mash or something.

Steve: “Thank you for blessing us with this food, Hruggek. Amen.” And Bane does the sign of Hruggek, which is to bug out his eyes and draw his thumb across his throat like a knife.

Zack: Strahd seems amused by your antics.

Steve: That’s my faith he’s laughing at. But Bane is hungry after his long walk up the mountain so he does not stay mad long.

Zack: The food is quite good. You particularly enjoy the noodles.

Steve: “Mmmm good. Compliment to chef.”

Zack: “Yes? You like those noodles?” Strahd raises an eyebrow. “Look again. You’re eating worms.”

Steve: Looking down at the bowl.

Zack: It’s full of squirming worms.

Steve: “Yes. Good. I eat worms.” Slurp up some more.

Zack: Strahd makes an expression very similar to the one he made when his charm person failed. Ireena, still balanced on your sweaty shoulders, seems upset about the bowl of worms.

Steve: “Ireena said you try turn her into vampire.”

Zack: “No, no, I am a humble count. She must be confused, though I must say there is a certain magnetism between us.”

Steve: “Magnetism. How it work?”

Zack: Is that an Insane Clown Posse joke?

Steve: No! No way. Bane just doesn’t know about magnetism.

Zack: You enjoy the meal of worms and blood and when it is finished, Strahd wipes his lips with a napkin and stands.

Zack: “Perhaps you and I should adjourn to my library. We can leave Ireena and Olga to become acquainted.”

Steve: What about my bat?

Zack: There are bats in the chapel’s belfry. Wendy can hang out with them, although Wendy seems less than pleased. “Ugh, belfry bats. These guys are the worst.”

Steve: Alright, I set Ireena down and follow Strahd to the library. I am watching for any traps or sudden attacks.