WTF, D&D: Cthulhu ’90s Solo Project – The Toné Out of Space


Zack: You spark up a pair of kindling sneakers in the fireplace. On the BBSes, everyone is buzzing about the solar storm that is happening tonight. They’re even talking about it on the news on TV. Some say it reflects a new phase in planetary alignment that will lead to increased occult activity.

Steve: Going to use my mythos and occult knowledge, along with computer hacking skills, to determine if there’s any truth to the buzz.

Zack: Yeah, sure, you hack the Crowley and download the jpegs to your Jazz drive. You don’t know any specific mythos event happening, but you know enough about cults to know whenever something astronomically unusual occurs, they’re all over it.

Steve: Any dangerous evil cults up to no good?

Zack: You’re about to search for keyword “evil” on an occult BBS when the power goes out, casting the room in the warm glow of the fireplace.

Steve: Great. There goes my unsaved document of lyrics about Outer Gods.

Zack: A few seconds into the blackout, the phone begins to ring. This being back in the day when everyone had land lines and not everyone had cordless phones.

Steve: Answer it.

Zack: “This is Wolf. I found something you’re going to want to see.” Wolf is an old friend of yours in the FBI unusual murders task force.

Steve: “What up, Wolfman?”

Zack: “There was a murder in the mountains. Nobody is taking it seriously at the FBI. But something weird is going on. The sort of weird you and your friends are into.”

Steve: Like doing a bunch of drugs and starting fires weird or like alien ghost that comes out of the ocean weird?

Zack: “The latter.”

Steve: Alright, Wolfman. I’ll be there. What’s the address.

Zack: It’s a remote cabin up in the mountains. With the snow, it will take you most of the next day to reach the cabin.

Steve: Gearing up. Whatever that means.

Zack: That means a Cross Colours jacket, Lugz, jean sorts acid washed completely white, and a sideways purple tie-dyed baseball cap. Oh and your laptop computer.

Steve: And my flamethrower. Which you know I have so don’t try to argue I don’t.

Zack: Sure. Left Eye packs her surplus military flamethrower into her car and drives up to the remote cabin in the mountains. The cabin is intact, although as you drive up you can see it has clearly been damaged by fire. Wolf is waiting for you outside.

Steve: Looks like somebody got to this place before I had a chance. I’ll leave the flamethrower in the trunk for now.

Zack: “Hey, Left Eye, I’m glad you could make it.”

Steve: “Nothing better to do than go chasing leads. It’s not like I’m a platinum selling artist or anything. One third of the most powerful all-girl supergroup of the early nineties.”

Zack: Salt-N-Pepa might dispute that.

Steve: I consider them “of the late eighties” not the early nineties.

Steve: And Wolf better not have said that to me because I will walk my ass back to the car and get that flamethrower.