WTF, D&D: Monster Manual V (3E)

Galthir Devil


Zack: Well, Steve, we made it. I know it has been a while since we’ve done one of these monster books or made fun of the art. How does it feel?

Steve: Relieved. This is a high stress work environment.

Zack: Your house?

Steve: I’m talking about the virtual realm where I have to come up with funny jokes.

Zack: The pressure is never on for you to do that.

Steve: Now you’re just being mean on top of the stress.

Zack: I never thought of you as a very stressed-out person. Alright, so come up with something funny for this Gulthir thing that looks like a skeleton made out of chewing gum.

Steve: You said he looks like chewing gum and that’s all I can think about now.

Zack: Go with that.

Steve: Okay.

Steve: Uh, this guy is what happens when you clean that gum wall in Seattle. They should have left well enough alone, but they had to meddle and unleash the Gulthir.

Zack: If that’s how they work, school custodians are probably on a first name basis with these things scraping gum off desks at the end of the year.

Steve: You know, I worked at an Outback Steakhouse for a while and we were having a really slow day so the manager made me turn over tables one by one and scrape gum off the bottom.

Zack: Was there a lot of gum under tables?

Steve: Actually, no. It wasn’t too bad.

Zack: Good story!

Steve: This is why this job is so high-stress! You judge everything.

Zack: Steve, we are always being judged. It is the nature of what we do. We are the humble players and our readers are the sadistic dungeon masters deciding our fates.

Steve: I bet they make us re-roll on the table even if the die falls off and we get a 20.

Zack: See you next week, everybody!